Called to Lead by Learning
Sometime ago I read a newspaper article titled “Study’s Advice to Husbands: Accept Your Wife’s Influence.” The study showed that men who enjoyed the most stable, happy marriages were also likely ones who listened to their wives’ suggestions and concerns and followed them. These were men who were willing to learn, change, and grow.
I have found that to be true in my own marriage. Over the years, I have learned that my wife is innately gifted with knowledge, insights, and abilities I don’t have. That is probably why the apostle Peter wrote, “[Husbands,] dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife (1 Peter 3:7)” which very simply means that husbands are called on to understand their wives—how they think, how they respond emotionally, and what they need to feel loved and fulfilled in a marriage.
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard men say, “I just don’t understand my wife.” My response to that is blunt: You can learn!
We men can be much worse than lacking in our knowledge of the opposite sex; we can be downright clueless! There is much each and every husband has to learn when it comes to loving their wives. But we can learn, and not only that, we need to learn. It’s not that difficult, either. It’s a matter of taking the time to be a student, a learner, first.
So how can you learn? First, when your wife talks to you, be a listener before you’re a fixer. We men tend to want to rush ahead and “fix situations that our wives talk to us about when most of the time, our wives just want us to listen to how they feel about their situation. For that reason, we should take the time to ask our wives, “Is this a fix-it time or learning time?”
It goes against the grain of most men to hear this, but I have learned that listening is often one of the best ways to fix things.
Second, be honest with your wife. Don’t hide. Share your hurts, your fears, your concerns, your disappointments, your life. Believe me, this will draw the two of you closer than you can imagine. And when you’re vulnerable, you’re leading in love, and she’ll want to follow.
Finally, after listening and sharing with one another, be willing to make the hard decisions which will bring about change in the marriage.
God Bless You
Pastor Versal Mason